1. Attend an Art School in the New York Tri-State Area or Los Angeles.
2. Become a studio assistant to an Artist (Alcoholic and/or drug addict a necessary criteria) with major gallery representation, preferably Mr. Gagosian.
3. Have a relative who is rich, famous, and or a major collector.
4. Date someone higher up in the food chain than you.
5. Become Bi- Sexual if you’re not already.
6. Be seen at all the VIP parties during Art Basel in Miami and don’t forget to look and behave like a self-involved, superficial asshole to have the art world buzzing the next day about your antics!
7. Donate your work to a charity auction and hope for a high bid to support the narrative of your speculative worth. You have arrived!
8. Find a gallerist/dealer who understands and cares nothing about art, art history, or artists, and whose sole reason for existence is making huge amounts of money.
9. Reserve a full-page advert in Artforum for your solo exhibition. Your trophy is now in the case for the World to see!
10. Get into as many museum collections as you can. Give the shit away to translate the perception of importance, relevance, success, and trajectory.
11. Sell out your entire show before it opens! Not to worry your gallerist/dealer will purchase your show at a reduced price to later set an auction record! Then at the height of the your hype flip your art to their billionaire and millionaire incestuous inner circle!
Congratulations! you’ve made it! Now you’re the number #1 artist in America! Now all you have to do is kill yourself and it will be a win-win for everyone!
